#5 Community, Connection and Navigating Adult Friendships

Untitled

[: 00:00:00

[00:00:05] I'm still experimenting and tinkering with my listen. The ticker, I mean, tinkering. With my podcast style and format. And I welcome feedback at all points in time, but I'm really enjoying this.

[: 00:00:15

[00:00:33] Now last week I was talking about self-worth and I gave some practical tips to help you. If you're struggling in that area. Self-worth is a key part of your relationship with yourself. The idea of loving yourself, valuing yourself and recognizing all that you have to offer and standing in your truth is what empowers you.

[: 00:00:52

[00:01:15] But I'm really proud of myself and this current version of me. I've come a long, long way. And I've dealt with a lot of stuff along the way. But. I've had some really great moments too, and everything has helped shape me to who I am today. And truthfully, I think I'm the bomb.com. Okay. I'm proud of.

[: 00:01:34

[00:01:52] And it's exciting for me because it wasn't always that way, even though I've always been in general, a competent person. There were periods of time where I had a lot of self esteem issues or self doubt, and they were buried deep down. So I didn't even, I wasn't even aware of that for quite some time.

[: 00:02:11

[00:02:33] So Storytime.

[: 00:02:36

[00:02:52] And one of the things that we were told is that when we're greeting. People in the community. We couldn't just say, hi, how are you? Can I have so-and-so or like get to the point of what we were saying. We actually had to take the time to say hi, how are you? How's your day to day, how are you feeling?

[: 00:03:11

[00:03:34] To wait for answers. This was a really different way of thinking. And it was hard for me. I remember going to people and be like, hi, can I get, and they would just look at me. And I'd be like, oh, oh, okay. Sorry. My bad. Hi. How are you? Yes. Yes. How are you? Yeah. Okay. How, how were you yesterday at you? Okay.

[: 00:03:55

[00:04:25] And you can't, you can't do this from a non genuine place, because it's very hard to just pick these random questions because it is still a conversation. And the more and more that I did it, I really got to bond with these community members. And it was so nice to just sit down and pause and, and people also openly shared. So they wouldn't just respond with.

[: 00:04:47

[00:05:08] Um, because you have to be. You greet the space and greet people in the morning now in Canada. Sure. If you pass people, especially colleagues or something like that, you would say good morning. But Nat to you, like, for instance, let's just say you go into the bank use. You say good morning. Just out loud and anybody in the bank will just receive your good morning.

[: 00:05:29

[00:05:47] But that's what it is. So in Antiga when you go into a store, when you go into an office, when you go into a building, you just say, good morning. And you agreed to space and you greet the collective, not just individual people. And that was really nice to see too. And it's just nice to see how different things are done.

[: 00:06:04

[00:06:27] Sometimes they come over to the fence, they lean over the gate and they just talk and they just connect and have conversations. Even the people driving by, they slowed down the honk, their horn, they wave, they ask how you're doing. If everything's all right. Gay. Even.

[: 00:06:45

[00:07:03] Came a staple part of life. You were, it was impossible. Even for me as a foreigner, it was impossible for me to go a day in Antigo without seeing someone I knew after I had been living there for a few years. And that was beautiful. I was always connected to somebody. I never had to feel alone.

[: 00:07:25

[00:07:48] Think of clans or tribes. We've got several people living on one property in several homes that are closely connected to each other.

[: 00:07:59

[00:08:12] Relationships is one of the 12 elements of wellness. We naturally seek out relationships in our lives because they're vital to our lives. The idea of connection, communication, touch. These all contribute to our wellbeing.

[: 00:08:27

[00:08:49] People make up the world around us. So it makes sense when you realize that working on our relationships and learning healthy relationship skills can have a huge impact on our wellbeing.

[: 00:09:01

[00:09:24] Another definition from total wellness says that social health is the ability of individuals to form healthy and rewarding interpersonal relationships with others.

[: 00:09:35

[00:10:05] Can you imagine, just look around you. I'm sure in this one day, just think about how many people you're going to interact with. Whether virtually or in person. So the fact that we are. impoverished when it comes to our relationships. It means that a lot of these relationships are not meaningful. They're superficial. They're more like encounters or interactions.

[: 00:10:29

[00:10:35] He also states that relationships are the currency of change. And he meant this in reference to people who have undergone childhood trauma. That was his specific research area. But it can be applied to any kind of trauma. There are hard points in life. We all go through difficult points in life. Uh, what's one way that we can get through them or how can we.

[: 00:10:58

[00:11:10] And what to ask you. Let's just take a pause. And how do you feel today? The, how are you feeling in life?

[: 00:11:19

[00:11:28] And I want you to think more specifically think about the relationships that you have in your life. What do you notice about those relationships?

[: 00:11:40

[00:11:50] Do you have deep, meaningful connections with other adults in your life?

[: 00:11:58

[00:12:08] How. How would that. Impact your life.

[: 00:12:13

[00:12:18] Maybe it's impacting your sense of connection with others, your joy. Your sense of purpose. You might feel now. You might feel lonely or isolated at times.

[: 00:12:31

[00:12:43] . Now, there are a lot of thoughts that some people have in their heads that they repeat over and over again.

[: 00:12:50

[00:13:14] As you listen. I want you to see if you can identify with any of the following thoughts.

[: 00:13:20

[00:13:33] Number two. Keep our unreliable. They can't be trusted. They're always letting people they're always letting me down.

[: 00:13:48

[00:13:59] Number four.

[: 00:14:01

[00:14:09] I don't go anywhere. I don't do anything.

[: 00:14:12

[00:14:17] Number five. Friendships and relationships. Yeah, no, they're just not worth the effort. I don't really need people. I can do life on my own.

[: 00:14:29

[00:14:40] And beyond our thoughts, there are also some realities that complicate our ability to form meaningful connections and relationships with others. And as I go through the main ones, maybe it will help you identify what barriers or hurdles are holding you back from connecting with others. And I'll follow that up with some practical strategies you can use to move forward in building meaningful connections, friendships, and relationships with others.

[: 00:15:04

[00:15:23] . You've built up a wall. And don't want people to get close to you. You'd rather be by yourself because you know, you can rely on yourself and won't let yourself down.

[: 00:15:33

[00:15:46] Maybe you just have social anxiety, it's uncomfortable and overwhelming. When you meet people, you feel more comfortable behind a screen and connecting online.

[: 00:15:56

[00:16:15] Maybe you don't have a support system that allows you time away to focus on social connections and relationships. I understand what a demanding season can look like in life. And I also understand when you're kind of in a box. And there's no one to reach out to.

[: 00:16:34

[00:16:54] And you're just trying to understand, well, what does life look like in this new season? And I understand that the cards are turning in your brain and you're just trying to make sense of your new reality. And probably oftentimes very much missing your old reality. And questioning if you've made the right decision.

[: 00:17:13

[00:17:26] I see you and if that's you it's okay. It is so important to know and be aware. Of where you're at. In life.

[: 00:17:37

[00:17:46] Whichever the case. I want you to know that relationships are powerful. I truly do believe that relationships and connections with others. Can be more healing and more impactful and effective than going to therapy.

[: 00:18:02

[00:18:24] Whatever it is, I want you to really think about the relationship. And I have to pause and say for a second, don't feel.

[: 00:18:35

[00:18:59] You can, you can take a season off.

[: 00:19:05

[00:19:23] And maybe it's forever. And it doesn't have to be because there's bad blood. It's just that sometimes you're moving in a different direction and the alignment is simply not there. And it may require you having a potentially difficult or uncomfortable conversation. or sending an email. or just closing the door.

[: 00:19:41

[00:19:52] And as I give this advice, just know this is something I'm currently living out and working through too. . Even though i'm a wellness educator and a wellness coach i myself am always undergoing and still in the process of my own wellness journey They'll never stop. Until i die And then it stops Okay sometimes the pruning can be painful but it's always worth it in the end for you to be a better version of yourself So now i want to ask you what's something, what's a step that you can take in the right direction to move the needle forward What are you willing to do differently when it comes to forming relationships with others Here's some practical strategies that you can do To build meaningful connections with others The first one is to start by having a relationship with people But i would suggest people that you pay Now this sounds weird but let's just say you don't really trust people or you've had a lot of bad experiences You need to start with more safe and consistent stable relationships When people are getting paid you can usually rely on them more So this could be something formal like a health coach or a wellness coach or maybe a business coach or a financial coach Or it can be Someone you pay for services Such as A hairdresser Or a massage therapist Or your manicurist Right people that you just happen to interact with on a consistent basis I think of my friendship with my hairdresser, denise and oh my gosh she's amazing and i enjoy so often And I. And i enjoy my monthly visits so much And this is when it pays to be a loyal person And just keep using the same people This is when it pays to be a loyal person and keep Working with the same people because over time you really do allow these deep friendships. And and connections to form they'll form just naturally because of you spending time together You have to make sure the energy matches though so if the energy is off, then you might need to find a different service provider or just a different person To connect with The second thing is to build a relationship with a handful of friends But from different circles And this is strategic and important I see a lot of people have like one best friend. But then, then that friend moves or they have an issue or they just fall off And another first person is just stranded They never took the time to invest in other relationships And it's important to include your work friends in this i have so many friends from different jobs that i've had And the key is that you really have to connect and work friendships are tricky because a lot of times if you leave a job where they leave the job The friendship just comes to an ad But you can have long lasting friendships from work The key is that you really have to connect You have to talk about things besides work It's to open up and be more personal. And you have to share just as much That's a key.

[: 00:23:05