#59 Black Owned Self Care: How Wellness Boxes are Empowering Black Women w Denise Furlough and Kala Garner

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[00:00:23] Denise: Well, I'm Denise Gilmore McPherson. I am based in Chicago and I am a marketer by trade. So, I grew in the ranks in my professional career in marketing. And then I also am a certified yoga instructor. I am also one part of the dynamic duo that runs Simply Better Co, which is the parent company of Betterness Box.

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[00:00:50] Kala: Hi, everyone. I'm Kayla Garner. I like to call myself a designer of systems, spaces, and experiences. Experiences and so I do that in a lot of ways.

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[00:01:26] Kala: I'm from San Diego. Denise is from the Bay area. So we're Cali girls through and through. Um, and the way we connected is through our sorority. So I'm not sure if that was one of the questions, but

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[00:01:40] Natalie: Well, now we know. So it's all good. You cannot, that people might've been wondering. So now the people know. I want you to share your story with us. How did you come to get into the wellness slash self care space?

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[00:02:09] Denise: My approach to wellness is really about what can I realistically make a lifestyle versus trying to do fad diets and things of that sort.

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[00:02:36] Denise: So that's kind of how I've always approached it. But then, like I said, um, yoga layered onto that, um, really is about that as well, right? It's about meeting yourself where you are. on your mat and really kind of taking inventory on a daily basis to determine how do I build from this place on a daily basis.

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[00:03:19] Natalie: I love that. And Kayla,

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[00:03:30] Kala: We can go outside all year long, and so that creates an opportunity for us to kind of explore and find what really connects with us when it comes to nature, and a lot of what nature provides is very much so What we talk about in wellbeing.

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[00:04:07] Kala: And right around that time, I also launched a lifestyle YouTube channel. So the KG lifestyle is what I got on YouTube. I like to experience things then share it right. And so I'm like, always sharing what it is I'm buying what it is I'm using what

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[00:04:30] Natalie: Yeah. Thank you for kind of sharing both of your stories because, you know, something I talk a lot about on the podcast is just that wellness can look different for different people. And I really don't like when there's one narrative pushed of like, this is the only way to engage in yoga.

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[00:05:21] Natalie: It lacks authenticity and therefore it's going to lack impact. And we want that the wellness practices we're engaging in are going to create a positive impact in our lives. We should be able to see fruits of the practices we are doing to nurture ourselves, to care for ourselves and to uplift ourselves.

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[00:05:53] Denise: Yeah, absolutely. One quick thing of what you were saying about how wellness looks different that is, literally at the root of betterness box.

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[00:06:17] Denise: products introduce lifestyles, introduced, just different practices that you can potentially incorporate. Everything is not for everybody, but with a service like betterness box, you actually have the opportunity to layer on these different practices and really hone in on what is like, Your true individual self care practice, routines, products, and things of that sort.

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[00:07:13] Denise: Lots of different commitments. And, you know, transitioning in from your twenties into your thirties and things that sort of, you know, you have to get familiar with the fact that like your ability might continue to increase but your capacity isn't necessarily always there. Right. And so I had a period where I like truly was feeling anxiety.

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[00:08:07] Denise: And it really came to a clear understanding of like when I was able to say yes, and when I was able to say no and getting very clear on that. And so that's something that like, I didn't necessarily set out like, Oh, I got to learn how to, you know, confidently make decisions or get out of a place of like indecisiveness or make a commitment and be able to go forward with that commitment, right?

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[00:08:42] Natalie: No, I love that. I love that.

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[00:08:48] Kala: Yeah, I think the thing that I picked is so many, so many lessons, uh, is somewhat related, right? Like some of what Denise is saying is what a lot of us as Black women deal with, right? Always being responsible for all the things, whether it's our families, our communities, financially, emotionally, like it's just a lot that is put on Black women in America specifically.

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[00:09:39] Kala: doing whatever our self care habit is, or we're trying whatever is new in the betterness box. But now it's like, can I do this right? It's like, wait, that is not the point. Like you're literally going against the entire point of just kind of having this radical self acceptance. Um, and as again, Black women in our history here in America, it is so difficult to do that.

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[00:10:24] Kala: So for me specifically, and I'm again, I'm still learning. I'm still in therapy about it, right? How do I detach the need to feel like I'm performing something at this linear scale instead of just having this self acceptance?

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[00:10:57] Natalie: And so much is unspoken. But we just noticed and we absorb and we take that on as the truth we are now supposed to live out. Right. So as black women, as strong black women, we all come from strong black mothers. Right. But it's very rare to meet a black woman who says that their mother was like.

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[00:11:37] Natalie: Because there's this pressure on them, because a lot of them do not want that responsibility, but sometimes they have no other choice. Um, as little girls, you just see like, Oh, I guess I'm supposed to do the same thing. I guess I'm supposed to be grinding and, and working really hard and just nonstop.

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[00:12:11] Natalie: It's always at Christmas or any kind of family dinner or anything. It's like certain people get praised for certain things and others are just like, nobody's nobody's talking to them because they don't have something to show. But why do we always have something to show? Why can't we just.

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[00:13:00] Natalie: to not be okay, to be okay, to be kind of maybe trying to be okay, to be different versions, right, so it's not so like black and white, it's just whatever, wherever you're at, we're going to like just work with it. Now I'm curious to know, because we've been talking a little bit about Betterness Box, but, what is Betterness Box?

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[00:13:24] Kala: Betterness Box is a lifestyle subscription box, right? A wellness kit that is sent to your door every three months. So every quarter, and it's specifically curated, as I mentioned before, for Black women. It's really Blackity, Blackity, Black. It's got a whole book that's usually, if not 99 percent written by a black person, usually a black woman, most, if not all of the products in the box are usually black women owned small businesses.

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[00:14:13] Kala: Um, on the back of our mini zine that we produce and put in the box, there's Outline of exactly what comes with this experience. And that is community where you can connect with us on an app. That is a wellness Wednesdays that happen every single every other Wednesday that highlights a subject matter experts.

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[00:14:38] Kala: And this next season that we just launched this month is all about thriving. And what does that mean? And how do you truly thrive again? Not this performance based thriving, but a true self awareness kind of thriving. We do some in person events because we're based, uh, in Dallas, um, in Chicago.

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[00:15:14] Kala: And so again, the playlist, the wellness Wednesdays, uh, we do these betterness. Workshops and those are every quarter as well again with subject matter experts and more private and kind of, um, secluded so that we can have even more of a safe space for black women to talk and express themselves, like, literal breakthroughs happen at those workshops.

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[00:15:51] Denise: It's really intended for black women who want to prioritize their self care and you can actually like automate your self care, right? So if you think about like the subscription based, model we really were intentional about like, how long does it take to inform a habit?

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[00:16:23] Denise: It's with a service like this, that just helps you keep it top of mind without you having to actually like be go find the products, go find the community, go find everything, everything is kind of packaged betterness box, um, service for you. So just like to add. The intentionality behind, um, the, the actual structure of the product and the products that come in there and things of that sort.

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[00:17:08] Natalie: this is like lighting me up because we're thinking about community, we're thinking about engagement, we're thinking about consistency and, and, uh, we're thinking about ease. So all of these other aspects, as opposed to, because a lot of times wellness is commercialized. And that really bothers me, right?

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[00:17:42] Natalie: So make it make sense. I need to talk. I need to offload things, having relationship with other people, laughing, smiling, bringing joy into your life. These are all other aspects of wellness. So. It's like, how do we integrate it, right? How do we have a more holistic approach to caring for one's needs?

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[00:18:20] Natalie: Right. And so. Now, I'm pretty, um, good at, at, like, being on top of my self care, but, but even myself, sometimes I slip, but also even for friends and sometimes it's like they don't even realize, like, oh, I haven't had a moment to myself, I haven't had time, but this, it's like, guess what? You just, you open up your mail and you get the body.

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[00:18:59] Natalie: And I think when you get something in the mail, and it's for you, and it's for your enjoyment. As opposed to another bill or something you have to pay. Right. It's like, it's a treat for yourself.. So it's every three minds and you know, it's just that constant like, okay, I'm still taking care of myself. And I like that the boxes are changing. So there's different themes that are happening each time.

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[00:19:41] Natalie: And it's like, Wow. Just a smile as you're undoing it. Like, let me try this. Let me see this. Those are, it's not, it doesn't even matter what the product is. It's just looking at different things, excites the brain because it's something new. So I, I really do, um, just kind of love all of the thought behind it.

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[00:20:17] Natalie: product?

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[00:20:46] Kala: And so I've always been thinking since I started my channel in 2011, how can I monetize and be more impactful with my channel? And so, um, Denise and I, I think we were just having a conversation randomly and I was like... She was like subscription box. That's it. I was like, this makes so much sense. Um, one, because we wanted to, to have that automation.

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[00:21:30] Kala: Like, how does that work? Um, and I think one thing that really different differentiates us from. Other kind of beauty wellness boxes is one it is full size, right? And you're going to use those products over the course of that three months, you're going to hopefully have time to read one book over three months.

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[00:22:16] Kala: That's kind of what those other companies do. We're very much so about the experience and driving you towards That habit that helps you live a life of wellness. And so, um, I think from the core that happened and then everything else came out of that. We were like, well, what would it look like to have a call with these folks?

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[00:22:53] Kala: So it just came as the journey continued over the last five, five and a half years, um, of what we did.

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[00:23:10] Denise: And I think that like what we did was we actually gave it time to breathe in the beginning, right? We didn't just say like, oh, we're going to start a business tomorrow. Um, she like dropped the seed. I dropped the seed. And then we literally were like, we need to actually like I was in Chicago. She was in Dallas, right?

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[00:23:51] Denise: us being black women growing in the ranks in corporate America with full time jobs still today. Um, and like creating, like, what do we think that we need to be able to create that balance and that rest in our own lives? Taking effect taking a paying attention into like, yes, trends and things that are that are going on, but also the seasonality of like, what are the different energies that you're feeling in the summer, winter, spring, fall.

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[00:24:34] Denise: When somebody opens this box, what does the box smell like? What does it feel like we've had silk scarves, right? Like what are, what does it smell like? What does it taste like? Is what are all the different things, right? So a candle is very intentional. The scent that's going to be selected for that season.

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[00:24:56] Natalie: I think that that's such great advice for the listeners too is like sometimes you just need to let something breathe and that can even directly relate to wellness because sometimes we're just pushing and we're just aggressive and we're assertive and we're forceful but there is something to be said about resting

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[00:25:33] Natalie: You won't act on like ideas that were probably not that good anyways, that maybe you were just actually going to copy somebody else instead of being truly inspired to kind of let ideas evolve over time and then say, okay, how can we tweak this? What do we think between the two of us? And I think it's really good having that time together to kind of hash out those ideas and say, okay, we're going to just really brainstorm and see what would that look like after you had kind of put the, you just got to put the seed out there.

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[00:26:18] Natalie: I'm going to launch this. And that can be a lot like some people, they can do that. But for a lot of people, it's like, ah, I'm scared. And then they back out completely. But if you just baby step your way into it, you yourself. It's like going into like the beach, right? And the water's cold. It's like, I, I am never that person who could just run into the water because it's cold, but I can be tiptoeing and you know, you know, you get, so you got to know your process too and different strokes for different folks.

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[00:27:08] Kala: I remember one of our subscribers lost like 20 pounds just by having something consistent in her life that reminded her, like you said, to be mindful of what she was putting in her body or just her overall wellness. And I mean, we didn't have a, we didn't have like a weight loss box, right? But it was a box that had all things to do with. Fitness. And then the next one was about maybe their beauty, but all of those things kind of tied together to help her be again more mindful. And so when that happened, I think Denise and I were like, what, like, this is gonna, this is really impactful.

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[00:27:56] Denise: Yeah, I think, two things that I didn't necessarily like anticipate when we first started sending our first box.

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[00:28:19] Denise: Or do we tell people so that we can like properly sell because everybody's always like, well, what's in the box, right? It obviously changes every single quarter. Um, so I think just like the, the actual impact of the surprise and delight and the intention that people have around like when they actually open the box.

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[00:29:05] Denise: I actually don't want to know. Like, I'm not going to watch your unboxing, like, because I want to be surprised when I actually open my box, right? Like, it doesn't matter that other people have this box. This is my box. Um, I think that was one that, like, really kind of caught me by surprise of like, oh, like, People really do like the element of surprise, right?

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[00:29:38] Denise: was the actual.

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[00:30:00] Denise: And we heard that like there were times when other family members right so like the cousin, the son, the husband were like where's my better news box because they're like actually like jealous of. You know, the person who's actually receiving the box and they're like, I'm actually claiming these items for myself.

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[00:30:36] Denise: play a little bit more into like boundary setting in the household.

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[00:30:54] Denise: Yes, it is an absolutely good gift.

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[00:31:11] Denise: yes, we do gifts, but like. Have you gifted yourself anything?

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[00:31:38] Denise: There's multiple different reasons why a self care gift could make sense. Um, obviously Christmas, um, is definitely, or like the holiday season is definitely a, a peak in, um, business but then like Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, these different holidays as well where it could be your significant other or just, you know, an aunt or sibling cousin that you're gifting to.

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[00:32:23] Denise: Um, that it's like something in this box or a couple of things in this box are really going to resonate with her, it's really good for that kind of occasion.

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[00:32:50] Natalie: So I think that that even for that would be like such a powerful way of saying like, and then. Putting money back into because you are both black business owners who are partnering with other black business owners, from what I understand, to make these products, right? The money is staying within the community.

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[00:33:15] Before we close one of the primary aims on this show is to encourage women to prioritize their well being, as we've been saying, to pour back into themselves, to honour their needs, and just to have open conversations about their wellness journey, which we have been doing. And for myself, being a wellness coach who supports women professionals and entrepreneurs, So many times women feel like they are alone going through their struggles, which I never understand why.

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[00:33:59] They don't feel safe to share. What's going on, or if tried sharing and maybe harm has come to them, or, you know, it wasn't received in the right way. So now they've kind of put up a wall and choose not to do that anymore. So I'm curious to the, both of you as entrepreneurs, have you ever experienced personally a challenge that's impacted your own wellbeing?

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[00:34:26] Kala: Again, it's that. Like that performance in the rest of the things that I've done, I've named a lot of different things in the beginning of this podcast that I have my hands in. And so having I prioritize that instead of myself care a lot of the time. And so.

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[00:35:23] Kala: The ultimate goal. And so that's taken a lot of rewiring mentally for me so that I can then show that by action in my life. Um, and like I said, I'm still learning, but it's, it's getting there. Um, and I'm much better now than I was before. Just not 1000 percent yet. So. And that's, and

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[00:35:45] Natalie: It's, it's recognizing where you're at, where you've come from and it's a journey and there's no race. There is no, it's, this is just your journey. This is your process to where you're going. You're growing along the way. You're learning along the way. If you're going, going, going, and life is just on the hamster wheel. And that is how a lot of our lives go. You miss things. Your body gives you clues, your life gives you clues, even just like, uh, your relationships with other people.

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[00:36:28] Natalie: Like, you know, there's just the information is always coming at us, but are we receiving it? And what do we do with it? So thank you for sharing that.

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[00:36:51] Kala: That was the core of what I had to change because I think a lot of us know, like some of us have the awareness and then don't just don't make the choices for whatever reason.

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[00:37:06] Denise: Um, absolutely. I am a new mom. So there have definitely been some well being challenges in the past. I'll say I'm he's nine and a half months. So, um, I would say the biggest kind of I'll just keep it present. So the biggest kind of challenge for me and I think we talked about just capacity, a little bit earlier right so Understanding that, like, you know, there's a lot of expectations when you come back to work, you re enter into society after, like, being away for a little bit of time or your community, right?

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[00:38:07] Denise: Um, and not like being, um, Shameful or kind of like any, any kind of like holding any shame about like. Yep, I may have done this, but I can't do it anymore. And communicate what you need in this present moment that just because you didn't need it before doesn't necessarily mean you don't need that today.

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[00:38:38] Denise: So being able to just like, um, like I said, be very understanding of like, this is my current capacity in this present moment. And this is how I need to give myself grace so that I can move forward, ask for help, ask for the resources, whatever.

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[00:39:05] Natalie: time to let them know.

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[00:39:14] Denise: com. Um, we do have, Betterness Box is obviously our consumer facing product that is very intentionally created for Black women, and it's a quarterly self care subscription box. We are at Betterness Box on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, all of the social medias. Um, and then we also actually do have a B2B

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[00:40:01] Denise: So we help other businesses bring their ideas and experiences to life as well through our parent company, which is simply better co. And so, um, simply better co is available at simply better company, Instagram, and there is also a corporate gifting, um, and solutions tab on our betterness box website.

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[00:40:40] Natalie: And it's about being very intentional about that journey along the way. I am encouraging all of the listeners to go sign up for a betterness box. And if you have a business and you might want to even just explore and see what ideas you might be able to bring, they might even be able to give you ideas you haven't thought of. Thank you so much, Denise and Kayla for coming on the show. All the links are going to be in the show notes and until next time, continue to serve yourself, your loved ones and your communities from full cup.