#25 Interview: Pursuing Dreams + Mental Health w. Colleen Blake-Miller

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[00:00:11] Colleen: Hey, Natalie. Hello to all the listeners. Uh, so happy to be here. Thanks for inviting me. I really appreciate that. .

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[00:00:23] Colleen: As many who are listening, I'm sure, um, you know, someone who wears a bunch of different hats. So, professionally speaking, I am a registered psychotherapist and I run a fully virtual private practice. I've had this private practice for, ooh, 16 years in May, and I've been full-time for the past five years in my practice.

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[00:01:12] Natalie: Awesome. Sounds good. And y'all, I met Colleen at, um, a wellness retreat that we were both actually speaking at, and her personality is so captivating, so I hope that you guys are really gonna enjoy this. Podcast. I know you guys are gonna get a lot out of it, and I just love that you kind of mentioned all these roles and all these hats that you wear because I think there are so many multifaceted women.

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[00:01:46] Colleen: And, and just for the, just for the folks that are listening, I know, um, in, in my circle sometimes, you know, I, I have a friend or two, they'll be like, oh gosh.

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[00:02:18] Colleen: And it could be resting with your whole entire heart. You know what I mean? So, Um, especially in our world now, we have to be so careful cuz we can see so much of what other people are up to. We have to be so careful to protect our mental health in, in terms of comparing ourselves with other what, with what other folks are, um, are up to.

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[00:03:16] Natalie: I think all of us have our own purpose and our own calling. Yeah. And I think once we can find the fulfillment in what we're doing, and as you said, like do it with your whole heart.

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[00:03:36] Natalie: Mm-hmm. And if you are, then all is well. Yes.

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[00:03:51] Colleen: Um, I appreciate the question because you said, why was it a big deal for you?

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[00:04:19] Colleen: So I didn't just make my announcement, I made a pre-announcement announcement. I was like, stay tuned.

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[00:04:50] Colleen: And I reserve my small little piece of real estate. In the social media world to present what is important to me and what I mm-hmm think is worthy of talking about and celebrating. And so I recently went back to school. I went back to school. I am doing a doctoral program and I have. Thought about this for many, many years, it has been the, the, the gap between my master's and going back to do this program has been 17 years.

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[00:05:56] Natalie: It's definitely inspirational and I mean, 17 years is, is a long time and, and a lot has changed in your life. You That's right. You're married with four children. Like that is a lot of change. So to make this decision to go back to school like this is, a dream for you yourself personally.

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[00:06:28] Natalie: So, how has your journey, Changed your perspective in life. Mm-hmm. Returning to school at this, at this time.

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[00:06:55] Colleen: There's more for me to learn. There's, there's more growth for me as a, as a professional, so that I, one, feel. A greater sense of, I think, direction in terms of the work that I do. And then secondly, I just wanna be able to offer my clients more. Right. It's impossible to know everything about mm-hmm. All of the things.

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[00:07:37] Colleen: Um, I, I hesitate to use the word better, um, but to feel better, I guess, in the work that I'm doing and to feel like I am, I'm bringing my best to the work that I'm. That I'm doing. Yeah. That's what inspired me.

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[00:08:05] Natalie: And, you know, I can see on your face your smile, you know, as you're talking about this. So clearly this is something that is bringing you joy, this decision. Mm-hmm. And, and this pursuit of your doctoral, uh, which is just amazing. And. You know, if you could just talk a little bit more about how do you feel like your decision to pursue your dreams impacts your overall wellbeing?

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[00:08:25] Colleen: Well, because, um, I, I, I'm someone who, you know, I'm, maybe you've heard this saying, they say like, the richest place in the world is the grave. Mm-hmm. With all the ideas that. Never were explored or pursued. Um, good lord, that just makes me so sad thinking about that. I, I don't know how, how you, um, Natalie or the listener, I don't know how you deal with an unrealized dream, but when there's something in my heart and in my mind, uh, I actually feel like.

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[00:09:28] Colleen: Right. It's not, you know, that, that. There isn't that sense of call or the sense of purpose, but for the things that you just can't shake. And I think, yeah, 18 years of wrestling with, should I go back to school? What program should I pursue? What school should I it? I, I never ever had a time that I felt like, um, that's behind me.

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[00:10:12] Colleen: Sometimes these, these things actually could end up, Um, fueling things like jealousy and envy. Mm-hmm. And bitterness. If you don't actually pursue what's yours to pursue, then you see other people pursuing what they're called to do. And then you, then, now you're in your feelings about it. Now it takes now like, why you always talking about this thing and that thing?

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[00:10:59] Colleen: I think. I, I'm not just a mom. I'm not just a wife. Mm-hmm. I'm not just a therapist. I am a woman who, um, is, is filled with a lot of different abilities and, um, There's a lot of opportunities that are available, and to me, I'm able to bring my best self when I can just give a hundred or as much as I, as I can realistically to the things that are in my, that are in my heart.

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[00:11:40] Natalie: Yeah, I love, we can just end now. I love everything that you just said. It is so in alignment with the way that I view life as well.

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[00:12:06] Natalie: Mm-hmm. So that is really encouraging, I think, to the listeners because. Sometimes you have a, a dream, but a, you might not be able to realistically, um, act on it right away. Mm-hmm. Or sometimes you, you need to just sit with it for a while and see, do I really wanna do this? Or as you said, is it just a fleeting, a fleeting thing?

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[00:12:41] Natalie: So it's not at all that you're being selfish and taking away, you are actually doing better. You're showing up better because you are able to live fully, authentically. You don't have, you know, the jealousy, the resentment, the what if. You're just happy, you're, because you're able to pursue the things you want.

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[00:13:17] Natalie: Is it the right decision or, any other things you might be pondering? And if so, how do you manage to still move forward and stay focused on your dreams?

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[00:13:43] Colleen: How am I going to present myself? Um, and, and so, What I, what's been helpful for me is, um, so the program that I'm doing, it's a hybrid program. When we had our in class portion for the courses that we're doing right now, we had two weeks where we were in class together with our cohort Monday to Friday, two weeks, nine to five, and many nights I stayed late, probably eight, nine, working on, on, um, like, you know, writing and stuff like that with other colleagues hearing other

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[00:14:41] Colleen: Oh, this is actually a part of the experience, the human experience. That's right. Mm-hmm. And these are the things that someone like myself, I talk to my clients about on a, on a regular basis. But of course, we all, um, every heart knows its own sorrow, and sometimes it feels, it just feels different when it's your own battle.

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[00:15:27] Colleen: Am I good enough for this? And so with every paper I do write right with every, it's kind of like, you'll never know if you're good enough if you don't try. So you gotta try. And then when you, when you put that effort forward and then you realize like, oh, I can do it. And I actually, this is actually not bad.

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[00:15:58] Natalie: You help people all the time with self-doubt and with limiting beliefs and that kind of thing. And I think sometimes people think, you know, the experts have it all together.

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[00:16:25] Natalie: We're all gonna have moments where we're facing different challenges, we're questioning ourselves. But what is the process? How do you move forward? Nevertheless. Yeah. Despite, or in spite of, yes, I feel, I'm not sure if I'm qualified, but I'm gonna write the paper anyways. And then what happens on the flip side of it, the confidence comes in doing, because you look at the paper, first of all, as soon as you like press send or or print or whatever, however you submit your papers, you already feel great because you're like, wow, I accomplished this.

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[00:17:15] Natalie: Right. So that, that's such an important, um, uh, part of it is just taking that action. Mm-hmm. And so you were talking about your family earlier and. I'm gonna change direction a little bit because I wanna know when you are supporting your personal dreams that you have four children.

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[00:17:56] Natalie: Nine to nine. So this is taking up time. Mm-hmm. So how do you manage what's happening at home, like the family logistics and scheduling? How do you navigate that? Mm-hmm.

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[00:18:22] Colleen: Mm-hmm. Um, and I think having the support of, uh, a spouse or having a support of of, of a, of a partner has been a huge aspect of me being, being where I am now. And, and that has gone both ways, right? My husband and I were both entrepreneurs and in the years when we first, um, were married and he was the entrepreneur and I worked, um, you know, like a nine to five job in this field.

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[00:19:13] Colleen: So I'm like, pursue it. Like whatever. Mm-hmm. The thought is the dream. Go for it. And so in the same way it's been reciprocated on my end. So that's a huge part. And then our family system is, is, is, is deep and it's like strong. So finding a godmother, godparent grandparent to support, watch the kids.

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[00:19:46] Natalie: yeah, yeah. No, I really love that. And you know, I think this idea of talking about partnership, but not only partnership, because even if it's two people, it's, it's still a lot and sometimes you just need more.

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[00:20:19] Natalie: They feel they're not able to pursue their dreams. But I think that, you know, if you can. Look outside of yourself. Look, look to wherever you need to look to, to get the support. Sometimes it's the paid support, right? Maybe it's, yeah, a babysitter or you know, you send the kids to camp or you use the daycare.

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[00:20:52] Natalie: And after you build trust and, and comfort with those people, you know, invite them into your network and, and just ask for help. I think a lot of us are afraid to ask for help. And you'd be surprised how many people are willing and more than happy to say yep.

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[00:21:26] Natalie: Mm-hmm. This idea of therapy and spirituality or faith, and I want you to talk about how you bridge these two roles in your own life and why it's important to you.

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[00:21:41] Colleen: I'm a member of, um, the black community and within, coming from a West Indian culture, there's a lot of stigma that's connected to mental health, mental illness and those kinds of things. And so I think sometimes faith can compound on that as well and make it even, even the, the stigma even greater.

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[00:22:23] Colleen: Um, they're misconceptions that need to be confronted. And so I have and continue to, um, Fight against that. And one of the missions that I have in going back to school is with an intention of, of building, like going into some of the faith communities that I'm connected with to help to bridge that gap between mental health and, and faith because.

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[00:23:09] Natalie: Something I want you to explain though is, you know, we use this term mental health and I think sometimes like people don't really know, like, what does mental health mean? .

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[00:23:31] Colleen: So it's not a given that you're just gonna have mental health, you know that your mental health is gonna be optimal, the same way that it's not a given, that your physical health is going to, uh, be, be optimal. There are things that you have to do to foster. Uh, optimal mental health and the same with, uh, your physical health.

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[00:24:21] Colleen: Um, it's gonna cause us mental and emotional distress. And so this idea of how to navigate and bring ourselves back to a place where we are well and we are able to function, that's the whole sort of idea of. Of what mental health is.

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[00:25:24] Colleen: So we have to, we have to be careful in terms of how we, how we distinguish those, those two. So when a person, when does a person need to talk to a therapist. Um, I would, I would argue personally that the work of therapy is something for everyone.

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[00:26:08] Colleen: psychotherapy or support through therapy, which, okay, if that's what's going on, then, then go for it. But I would just challenge us, don't wait for a crisis to, to seek, to seek that kind of support out. If there's an issue that you are dealing with, um, which everybody, every one of us has issues. Every one of us have things in our lives that are not, Working the way that we ideally want them to.

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[00:27:01] Colleen: that's good. Mm-hmm. And consider talking to a professional, getting some support to, uh, land on solutions that will ultimately, um, be long lasting for you.

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[00:27:49] Colleen: Yeah, I, I really loved this conversation as well too, Natalie. And, uh, I love, I love these kinds of conversations and I try in my social media, which is probably the, the, the best place folks can find me is on Instagram.

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[00:28:28] Colleen: And in the link in bio, you could find all of my stuff there. Website, um, the link to my website, email courses that I run, and, um, different events that I host over the, over the. You know, course of the year and that kind of, that kind of thing. And then again, good content to, I try to make, put a smile on people's face while we talk about some of the heavier things in, uh, you know, under the umbrella of mental health and wellness.

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[00:29:05] Colleen: Thanks for having me.

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