#3 Struggling with Self Worth? Practical tips to help

Natalie: 00:00:00

Hey y'all, this is the third episode. Woohoo. I'm so grateful for everybody who's listened to the first two episodes, thank you. Let me tell you, on launch day, I woke up in a panic at like seven in the morning because I forgot to set my alarm to wake up earlier just to make sure that the podcast had been distributed to all of the different apps.

Natalie: 00:00:27

So when I logged on and saw that four people had listened before I even woke up, I was like, oh my gosh, this is happening. So thank you four beautiful souls that listened, and for all the people that listened throughout the day and throughout the days. , I keep seeing the numbers and I'm like, this is just so exciting.

Natalie: 00:00:45

I'm just cheering for myself because you know what? I put it out there, and I really do feel like this podcast is gonna help people and just make an impact and a difference in the world. And I'm just doing what I feel like I've been called to do and when you can operate in your purpose, it's really exciting and I am honored that I can just do my little part.

Natalie: 00:01:09

And honestly, half the battle is just showing up, so we're just gonna keep showing up and I'm gonna keep celebrating progress and consistency. It's about me walking in my purpose and making an impact. Now, last week, I know I said I was gonna talk about the 12 elements of wellness today, but I don't feel called in that direction anymore.

Natalie: 00:01:38

So change of plans today. Instead, we're gonna talk about worth and value. Do you know your worth? Do you even know your value? And how do you communicate that to others? How do you reinforce it for yourself? And if you're aware of your self worth, do you uphold yourself to your value? Do you uphold others to your value? Do you set the standard for how others should engage with you based on your worth?

Natalie: 00:02:04

Okay. I know that was a lot of questions, so story time. I attended two events this weekend. One was an event I was speaking at and the other one I was an attendee, and both impacts were both events were impacted by just crazy rainy weather.

Natalie: 00:02:23

Attendance significantly suffered for both of the events, and I felt so bad for the event organizers. You could clearly see their disappointment because their planning is based off their expected numbers, and so lots of food and gift bags and resources went to complete waste.

Natalie: 00:02:40

Now, I'm not a big fan of rain, but that didn't stop me from attending the events and I was discussing with my husband and just sharing my frustration for when people back out at the last minute and just flake. Rain is really not that big a deal. If it was snowing or there was a blizzard and there was a threat to your safety, of course I get it, stay home and I'm sure a few people had something come up last minute because, you know, life be lifeing.

Natalie: 00:03:07

But for the vast majority of people who had already registered and even paid, but didn't show up, it, it's because of the rain. Rain is really just a minor inconvenience, a minor discomfort. So it shouldn't be enough to cancel your plans and just not show up when you said you're gonna be there.

Natalie: 00:03:24

For some people, they're just flaky. Their word doesn't mean anything. They say yes and then don't do what they say they're gonna do. They say they're gonna go somewhere and then don't show up. It's really important to be firm and rooted in your character and in your integrity and how you show up in the world. The scripture verse says, let your yes be yes, and your no be no. Why are people so carefree with their word? For me, I think it's because they don't value their word.

Natalie: 00:03:56

Because if you truly value yourself, you know your worth, and you know the worth of your word, and you know the worth of your word, and you don't toss around your words lightly because you're aware of the value, your presence, your time, your effort, and your resources bring to the table.

Natalie: 00:04:14

My husband said that if people knew they were gonna win a million dollars, they would be there. And he was right people had already decided what they were gonna get out of the event, and so they decided it wasn't worth them attending, not because the value of the event had changed, but simply because the inconvenience of the weather was greater than the potential value for the event.

Natalie: 00:04:34

The thing is, they robbed themselves of finding out firsthand if this event was gonna bring them the expected X, or would it have delivered X, Y, Z with a cherry on top and a little spritz of whipp cream on the side, maybe even a caramel drizzle, hey, hey. people are always looking for opportunities, deals, connections.

Natalie: 00:04:53

How do they even know where it's gonna come from? How do they know that the universe didn't, based on their intention of attending an event on said topics, start to line up the most amazing opportunities for them, but they backed out because of rain . Now, they'll never know, and I'm not saying don't ever change your mind or back out of things.

Natalie: 00:05:14

It's more just food for thought. Consider what you may miss on the back end beyond whatever you're expecting upfront and just push back when you face a bit of inconvenience, a bit of discomfort because real talk like as beautiful as it is, has difficult parts. And if you cn't push through the rain, how are you gonna push past real difficulties in life when your competitor steals all your business ideas, when your relationship hits turbulence, when your friends show you their true colors, when you lose a loved one, when your finances suffer because of an emergency.

Natalie: 00:05:52

In talking to a lot of women across various industries, I've been shocked to hear some of them say that they're being bullied, harassed, and mistreated by their managers and supervisors to the point where they're mentally and emotionally suffering.

Natalie: 00:06:05

This breaks my heart because it needs to change. When you know your worth and you uphold your worth, you hold others to your standard people can't bully you and mistreat you if you know your worth. Because the words just bounce right off. They have no effect because your self worth is your protection.

Natalie: 00:06:24

It's your armor. You know what to let into your spirit and what to reject, so you're guarded. On the other hand, if you're in a situation where you know your value's not recognized and your worth is continuously devalued, you'll just remove yourself from the situation.

Natalie: 00:06:41

And if that's you and you're in a situation like this that's toxic and draining you and negative, please start to build your exit plan. Otherwise, it will break you. Don't ever give people that power over you. We live in fear of losing our jobs or losing our relationships. but why. Every day we see that people are replaceable.

Natalie: 00:07:02

If you die tomorrow, hey, sorry to break it to you, but someone's gonna be in your role very shortly. So why are you compromising your wellbeing and your value? You don't have to accept mistreatment or disrespect ever. I wanna give a few different examples where I see women often get stuck regarding their self-worth and value, and maybe you might resonate with one of these examples for yourself.

Natalie: 00:07:27

Scenario one. You're an employee and you feel like you have no voice at work, you find it difficult to assert yourself and stand up for yourself. Even in situations where you feel like you're being disrespected, maybe you're uncomfortable with the way your supervisor speaks to you. Perhaps your workload and responsibilities are unreasonable. You find it difficult to express this.

Natalie: 00:07:49

Scenario two, you're in a relationship and not being treated right. You know you're settling by being with this person, but you find it difficult to leave the relationship. You don't feel safe, celebrated and loved. You see potential in the person, and even though they're far from it now, you feel like you've invested so much time and effort into the relationship, you might as well stay.

Natalie: 00:08:14

Scenario three. You don't set boundaries. You put everyone else's needs before your own because you don't think you're worthy of having your needs met. And you've dedicated all your time to your family, your kids, your work, your, your, your job, your hobbies, and now they have the power. You like that you're needed and you don't really know who you are outside of this so you continue to give of yourself even though you're running on empty.

Natalie: 00:08:42

Scenario four. You let your parents make decisions for you. This one is often experienced by racialized women from particular cultures where parental control and influence is prominent. Even though you're an adult, your parents still control your life. You've been taught it's disrespectful to go against their will, and they know what's best for you. So you should just allow them full control, even if it goes against what you want.

Natalie: 00:09:06

Scenario five. As a child growing up, no one ever told you that you were worthy or valuable. You had to fend for yourself. Your needs weren't met emotionally. You didn't feel love, safety, joy, and stability. You were treated as an inconvenience or a burden as if you were invisible. You were told to stay in the shadows, be silent and not speak, be still, and not sing. The thing is, in order to truly uphold your value and worth, you need to disrupt any negative self-talk that people tell you.

Natalie: 00:09:40

So if you see yourself in one of these situations, here are some practical strategies you can do to build your self-worth.

Natalie: 00:09:46

Number one, quiet time with yourself. I will always come back to this. Spending time with yourself and truly being still in quiet allows for self-awareness to develop. And how can you value yourself if you don't really know who you are? Do you know your triggers and your traumas, your strengths, your talents, your fears, your insecurities, your hopes, and your dreams? You've gotta listen to that inner voice. What do you tell yourself over and over? What's the negative self-talk that you hear?

Natalie: 00:10:17

Number two, affirmations. You can just look up affirmations online and affirm the person that you wanna become while acknowledging who you are . Now, most affirmations start with an I AM structure. But if you make a definitive statement, an I AM statement, then your brain doesn't really believe you. So it's like, ah, no thanks. So you have to gently train your brain to accept the affirmations for the future that you are becoming.

Natalie:: 00:10:44

The easiest way to do this is by acknowledging that you're on a journey. Your brain cannot refute a journey because it's not a definitive state. It's a process and that makes sense to the brain. So as an example, maybe changing a statement, I am a millionaire to, I am growing in wealth more and more. Each date might make a little bit more sense for your brain, right?

Natalie: 00:11:07

Because your brain's looking at your bank account and it's like, no, no, that's not accurate. You are not a millionaire. But if you say that you're growing in wealth, I mean, hey, if you went from 1 cents to 2 cents, that's growing in wealth, your brain can't argue with you. So try changing those I am statements to I am becoming or I am growing.

Natalie: 00:11:07

Number three, joyful activities. When you have a low self-worth, your joy has been robbed. So how can you rebuild your joy? I would suggest starting with one thing that you used to truly enjoy as a child or a teenager. Maybe it was bowling or skating or hip hop dance or playing solitaire or eating blueberry pancakes.

Natalie: 00:11:50

I don't know, whatever floats your boat, but try and recall a very specific activity that used to bring you a lot of joy back in the day. For me, that thing was improv. When I was a teenager, I loved doing improv with my drama group, and I completely forgot this memory until just the other day when I was at a workshop.

Natalie: 00:12:14

Figure out what you truly used to enjoy when you were younger. And then try it. How does it feel? If it elicits those same strong feelings of joy? It's a keeper. Do it over and over again because you deserve joy. You deserve happiness.

Natalie: 00:12:33

Number four, find a community of cheerleaders and no, I don't mean the ones with pompoms, okay? . Get a support system behind you, get connected to others. And I actually suggest starting with someone that you don't know. I know that sounds weird, but I would suggest you try to find a thought leader or a community leader, someone that you admire that's online, listen to their content and notice how it makes you feel.

Natalie: 00:13:00

And if you feel encouraged, motivated, uplifted, or empowered, subscribe to them and listen to it frequently and consistently, because that starts to change the feedback loop that's going on in your head, and then find one confident person around you and try to connect with them more. Listen to them and absorb not just their words, but their energy because confidence is contagious.

Natalie: 00:13:23

After a while, it just rubs off on you. We all have that friend that when we're in their presence, we're just like, We feel like we can do anything. We just wanna be around them more and more, and they make us feel better. They make us feel better.

Natalie: 00:13:39

Number five, make moves. . In order to improve your self worth, you gotta do some things. Who do you need to walk away from? What relationships do you need to end like today? What letter or email or phone call do you need to write or make? What boundaries do you need to set and who do you need to stand up to? Who do you need to say no to?

Natalie: 00:14:07

In order to truly uphold your value and worth, you need to disrupt any negative self-talk that tells you otherwise. Sometimes it's really hard to identify this negative talk because it's based on things we learned, heard, and observed as a child. Sometimes it's really hard to identify this negative self-talk because it's based on things we learned, heard, and absorbed as a child.

Natalie: 00:14:31

So it takes some deep work to go back and uncover all those negative things that you've been believing all these years. But I'm telling you, those things are lies. I don't care who said what to you when you were a child, a teenager, or even as an adult today, you are valuable and worthy.

Natalie: 00:14:48

And the moment you discover that for yourself, And act upon it. You'll experience a different level of confidence and assurance as you step into your power and any space knowing who you are, why you're there, and that you're there authentically and in your full glory.

Natalie: 00:15:06

Maybe you can't relate to those scenarios from before. You already have a strong sense of worth and value. So how can you use this to help others? For starters, you could be a role model. Show others what's possible when you value yourself, when you know your self-worth and you stand up for yourself and you set boundaries, and you can also encourage and motivate others.

Natalie: 00:15:27

Pour into them, firm them. Value those who don't value themselves and let them start to hear a different talk so that they can believe a different narrative. Disrupt the recording that's been playing in their head. Sometimes the recording is so loud, people can't break away, even if they try, so they need someone else to change the track.

Natalie: 00:15:48

Stand up for those who need an ally, who need an advocate. Speak up for those who are mistreated and condemn actions that are wrong or unjust. You determine your self-worth and you are the director and producer of the narrative you choose to believe. So my call to action today, I invite you to join me in a seven day challenge .Every day I want you to look in the mirror before you brush your teeth and sit. I am worthy. I am enough, and it's just a little chant.

Natalie: 00:16:20

Okay? You can put it to some music. I am worthy. I am enough. What? I am worthy. I am enough. Okay? I'm not a music person but I do those kinds of things. I just make my own songs and I start jamming. Do what works for you. Do it every day for seven days. Smile as you say it, and stand in superwoman pose with your hands on your hips. And it may sound weird to me, but trust me, it activates something inside of you that superwoman starts to rumble. And when you say it, I want you to try as hard as you can to believe it.

Natalie: 00:16:57

I invite you to say today's affirmation with me. I honor and value myself for who I am, my flaws, my strengths, and everything in between. Again, I honor and value myself for who I am, my flaws, my strengths, and everything in between.

Natalie: 00:17:17

In closing, I wanna thank you for listening to today's podcast. I just want you to know you've got everything that you need. You are who you are, and you're worthy, you're valuable, and that's the end of the story. And if you have a hard time believing that right now, it's okay. I believe it for you.

Natalie: 00:17:40

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Natalie: 00:17:50

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