#45 Mastering the Mind-Body Connection with Kara Hawkins

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[00:00:26] Kara: Sure. So I'm Kara. I'm a mind body coach and creator of the cohere network through my coaching.

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[00:00:50] Natalie: excited.

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[00:01:14] Natalie: Um, you know, that meaning inside as well. So I love that. All right. So let's get started. You know, Kara, your title is a mind body coach or one of your titles, and I'm really intrigued. Can you tell me, what is a mind body coach?

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[00:01:59] Kara: And modern science is starting to focus on it too. But in a coaching sense, say that you've done everything. You've been told you quote unquote should do in life. You've done all the quote unquote right things and you're deemed successful by society, but you don't feel like yourself. As you just mentioned, they might be feeling exhausted or in burnout cycles or have coping mechanisms, say around food or alcohol shopping and feel like something's not quite right or something's missing.

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[00:02:45] Kara: My body feels really stressed. Um, we might notice that we, when we think about the activities that we should be doing. Our body tenses up and it might be subtle. It might be quite significant. And it's not to say chuck everything away that makes you feel stressed, but it's. There's a lot of nuance to it and it's looking at really how are we feeling in our lives, in our body, not just what we think we should be doing.

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[00:03:28] Kara: Back to incoming back to ourselves is reconnecting with the body. Cause when we're connected to who we are, we have more self trust. We have more self confidence. We have less concern about external shoulds. And usually we make choices that are good for us, not from a place of greed or trauma, but that feel really good.

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[00:04:05] Natalie: I, I love everything about that.

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[00:04:28] Natalie: And I think we talked about that just a little bit in messaging. And I think this idea of tapping back into our bodies, as you said, we're so disconnected from our bodies, even, and it's kind of funny because I mean, we move with our bodies every single day. It's what's, what's anchoring us. It's what we can tangibly feel and see.

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[00:05:11] Kara: That is a great question. I want to start this with how we're conditioned to think about our bodies. And this is very much, I think it does vary around the world, and it does vary between cultures, and there are areas that have A lot more connection than others, but in general, we're taught that our bodies are something for us to control something for us to shape something that serves us.

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[00:06:10] Kara: So a lot of us are operating in our heads and deciding what we want our bodies to be able to do, as opposed to tuning in and being like, okay, what does my body actually need right now, not just, you know, from physical nourishment or movement, but the body actually has. As I mentioned, a lot of wisdom about what feels right for you as a human, which no other person can tell you because it's different for everyone.

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[00:06:54] Natalie: How does it feel? In your hand, like, do you notice sensations? And it, and people are like, we don't really stop to think about that because if you're like, oh, this is the offer I'm going to put out and then your stomach is feeling tense or, or, or, or maybe nauseous or something like that, then you're like, oh, your body's signaling to you.

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[00:07:35] Natalie: Or at the same time, it could be in a positive way. Like her body feels very calm. It feels very relaxed. Then you're like, okay, then this is the right environment choice for me.

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[00:07:55] Kara: So you can explore it further if you want of, oh, okay, that feels really uncomfortable. What's behind that? Is it something I need to explore right now or want to explore right now? And you always have that choice as well. And you mentioned something before about swallowing it. And that's such a powerful visual for me because

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[00:08:38] Natalie: Which is very sad because it's also preventable. Um, and if we would just tap in. But the good thing is, I guess we can make changes. Not I guess, we can make changes as well. Um, but it's just sad that it didn't have to happen in the first place. That's kind of what's going on with that. so I was going through your Instagram page and I was looking at a post, you were talking about a past fear of flying and you know, that really stuck out to me, um, stories stand out to you and you know, I love flying.

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[00:09:35] Natalie: So I'd like you, if you could share that story with us and maybe talk about that fear, what did it look like, what did it feel like in your body? And then how did you use mind body tools to overcome it?

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[00:09:57] Kara: But we settled in Australia for a while when I was nine, and the anxiety kept getting worse, and I was scared of the tiniest things. Um, and at some point that included flying, would not get on a plane, and even getting on a bus felt like too much, so a plane was just not even on the cards. Um, but when I was 18, my family moved to the Middle East while I stayed in Australia for university.

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[00:10:45] Kara: So when I was 19, I did get on a plane for the first time in a decade, which I think made it a lot harder because I hadn't been on one for so long. It felt quite different and foreign to me, but also wasn't just one plane. It was Two 10 hour back to back flights, plus another third one on top of that, um, with my brother, which was very lovely.

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[00:11:41] Kara: As a whole. So there are eight limbs in yoga. I won't go into them, but essentially the practice helped me connect with my body, create some kind of safety inside myself and notice how stress was affecting my body because I was again, so disconnected from, I didn't notice, Oh, doing these things or eating these things make me feel really wired.

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[00:12:26] Kara: They're not all consuming. Sometimes they were, but I knew that I, in some cases had the ability to step back from them, which was also life changing. And it's not something that You know, happened overnight. As I said, I've been working on this for four or five years before I could even step on a plane again.

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[00:13:00] Kara: And the fearful thoughts in the mind, which then also fuel the body, um, were some really, really helpful techniques. And that meant that, you know, the year after I got on a plane, I went on exchange to Abu Dhabi, which had been, again, not even in my realm of reality before that. And the year after that, I moved to Amman in Jordan, uh, independently to Immerse myself in the suburbs and talk to people and get to know the culture and the language better.

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[00:13:42] Natalie: Yeah. 10

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[00:13:49] Natalie: planes in, in a, um, a year or short or short period of time is really shows the power of the transformation. And I think that that's very encouraging to listeners, right? Because sometimes you feel like you've had this fear for so long and you're never going to be able to get over it, but like your story is a perfect example of, you know, you take it one step at a time.

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[00:14:26] Natalie: I'm going to go see my family and I'm getting on the flight and I'm just doing it sometimes. And. I think there's a little bit of a difference between fear and anxiety. And so anxiety can be really crippling and it's like debilitating. So it's not so easy to just make the decision to just get up and go.

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[00:15:03] Natalie: And so my body just doesn't do these things.

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[00:15:24] Kara: And my teacher was like, it's okay because you will over time very slowly get more flexible, but you understand what it feels like to not be flexible. So you'll be able to teach those people in a different way. Cause you understand where it was. So it was just those things that have helped me reframe that relationship because there are these, these impressions that you got to love it and you got to be super flexible.

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[00:15:46] Natalie: Well, that's good to know. So maybe, maybe there's hope for me. The listeners will see, we'll see if that happens, but, um, nonetheless, just understanding that yoga can be a tool that. That people use again to connect with their bodies. I've just never really thought about it in that way.

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[00:16:20] Natalie: Now you could, you still had to work through it more and more, but, um, you know, It's all about growth and it's about having that openness to grow and the mindset and the willingness to say, okay, I'm uncomfortable, but I'm gonna push past the discomfort a little bit because what I want on the other side of it, which in this case was to see your family, it is worth more.

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[00:17:00] Natalie: Safety is important. And, you know, anxiety can be a very complex emotion to navigate. And I think it's very hard for people who don't have anxiety to understand what it's like, right, to put yourself in the shoes of someone who does. But for those who do have anxiety, what are some practical ways that people can start to deal with it and how do they even identify that they have anxiety?

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[00:17:25] Kara: really great, great question. I work with a lot of people who do have anxiety, but I always say that when it's something like anxiety, or especially if it's diagnosed, then definitely work with a qualified therapist. The mind, body tools and techniques are super important and they're very helpful.

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[00:18:04] Kara: Is it in the past? It's present. The future anxiety is usually future focused. Um, is there an inner critic giving you a really hard time? Are there pressures and expectations that you're putting on yourself and just beginning to notice what are the stories that you're playing to yourself in your mind?

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[00:18:44] Kara: How wired am I, how on. Or how relaxed do I feel? And you can play and experiment with things like gentle yoga, walking outside, long, deep exhales, and just notice the difference that this makes on your body. I think that's self awareness, but also just how you feel in yourself. If something's off, then You know, and you can feel it and that's when you can also reach out for

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[00:19:13] Natalie: Yeah, I think that's great. And I love what you said because I think therapy and, and, and coaching, um, they go hand in hand because I think one is more practical, right? Like I think coaching is giving you practical tools that you can use to help you, but therapy is helping you work through things from a, maybe from the mindset perspective and diagnosis is important as well.

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[00:19:56] Natalie: Banker, you might have someone handling your estate. It's just different people that can help you care for your life and care for your wellbeing. So everybody has something different to offer and it's always good to inquire, right? Like, even if you're not sure, somebody might not be sure if they should work with you, but they can just send you a message and say, Hey, like, I'm, this is what I'm experiencing.

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[00:20:39] Natalie: And, um, you know, for someone who is feeling disconnected from their body, what is one thing, if they could only do one thing, what's one thing that they could do to come back to themselves? Hmm.

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[00:21:07] Kara: Which can be a lot. You don't want to necessarily open all that up in one go. So take it slow and we can do a really, really short exercise if you'd like right now. Sure. Yeah. Okay. So don't do this. If you're driving, operating heavy machinery, have knives or anything sharp around, like make sure it's safe to relax.

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[00:21:57] Kara: relaxing the face and the jaw and the muscles around and behind the eyes.

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[00:22:21] Kara: observing where your mind is at, if it's busy, if it's in the future, and whether if on every out breath, you can begin to gather all those many points of awareness and bring them into your body and into this moment.

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[00:22:51] Kara: And just checking in on how your body's feeling, just noticing and observing without judgment, just being curious. This is a sense of compassion, and seeing, is there anything that you can do for your body, in this moment, for the rest of the day, that will make it feel 1 percent more calm, or more comfortable?

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[00:23:31] Natalie: Oh, that was great. I didn't want to come back. Actually, I was like, no, cause I'm noticing things. I'm like, oh yeah, my lower back is actually feeling like a bit tense, you know, my feet are feeling hot. So I'm like, okay, what's something I can do? I can take off my socks, just little things. Right. But. I hadn't stopped to think of, I just hadn't thought about it.

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[00:24:11] Kara: What do I need? Focus on that. Okay. Now we keep going. So that you're breaking up the day a little bit, but you're still learning to have that connection to your body. And over time it also builds a bit more awareness. So if something is off, you might notice it a bit earlier too.

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[00:24:51] Natalie: Um, I, I have learned a lot here and, um, you know, if someone wants, they're curious about how they can use these mind body tools to support their wellness and their mindset because it's all connected, but they might feel unhesitant, sorry, they might feel hesitant or they might feel unsure. You know, sometimes people think it's like woo woo or, or whatever, what, what would you say to them?

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[00:25:17] Kara: Yeah, that's a really good question. I think. There are probably four things that you want to keep in mind when you're starting with this. The first is start small. Doesn't need to be big. Second thing is start with something that feels light and fun and easy to integrate into your day.

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[00:25:50] Kara: So go with what feels good. The third thing is, and I think this is really. Important in any industry, but stay away from fads, quick fixes, hugely expensive trademark techniques or products, or anything that sounds excessively complicated because the most effective things, especially for the foundations are very simple and very accessible.

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[00:26:36] Natalie: Yeah, I know that, uh, those are really great tips. Again, coming back to that word of safety and, uh, Kara, before we close on the show, one of the primary aims is to encourage women to prioritize their wellbeing, to pour back into themselves, to honor their needs, and just to have more open conversations about wellness journeys as a wellness coach myself, and I mostly support it.

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[00:27:19] Natalie: And if so, can you share one strategy that has helped you?

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[00:27:39] Kara: It's not, it's very cyclical where nature, nature is cyclical. And so giving yourself a break for this, you know, where it's an evolution, it's this constant expansion and contraction, but at the same time, there's a deepening of wisdom the whole way along. So. I fall down myself, but I try and learn each time I often spend too much time in my head, or I'm not resting enough.

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[00:28:20] Kara: We have such incredible capacity for love and for kindness for, you know, what our brains can do, but we also have a body and a spirit that need nourishing, and we sometimes forget that. And what you said about being alone or feeling alone in the journey, I think has been quite significant and something that I've found over time.

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[00:29:06] Natalie: Yep. I couldn't have said it better. And again, there's all these words that are sticking with me, but one is examine, explore. So I think it, it plays to curiosity. You have to be curious about what your body's telling you and curious just about the experiences you're going through. Dig a little deeper and, and try to connect the dots and, and just say, why?

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[00:29:41] Kara: having. A lot of compassion for yourself in knowing that the progress is not linear. So if we go back to the flying example, it wasn't like, okay, now I'm fine with flying.

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[00:30:14] Kara: And I wandered so far throughout the airport that I was out of the zone where they were calling my name for having missed the flight because of in my anxiety, I misread the time of my flight. I missed a transatlantic. flight because I was looking for a chocolate chip cookie because I was trying to manage my, my inner state.

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[00:30:53] Kara: So if you do fall back in whatever way, I mean, again, it's like coming back to, you know, let yourself be human and let yourself grow in cycles.

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[00:31:20] Natalie: And Kara, I just want to, um, This is, you know, your time. I, you know, I want you to tell the listeners how they can find you, how they can learn more about what you offer. So please go ahead and promote yourself.

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[00:31:37] Kara: network and also the website is. www. karahawkins. com. au and I'm launching this network at the end of the month, which I'm really excited about and it's online. So it's international because I've had an international upbringing and I love bringing people together from across the world. So looking after ourselves as well as supporting our businesses.

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[00:32:16] Natalie: until next time, continue to serve yourself, your loved ones, and your communities from a full cup.